LO(ve)YALTY

LOYALTY. It’s easily spelled, easily said, and easily broken. A lot strive to have it. Some has it. Many let it loose for some few stupid reasons. I’m not here to lecture about third party, or talk trash about unfaithful hearts. This are better left realized and patched up than lectured. I think, maybe, just maybe, all of this not-so-human people could have probably been really loyal to others if they have been loyal to more important matters first.

There was once a caterpillar who wander around the garden. He saw a bird flying around. He wanted to be just like the bird because he was fascinated it could fly. He saw trees bearing fruit. He also wanted to be a tree because it grows huge and it bears fruit. He saw a cat roaming around the garden with its soft fur and he wanted to be as attractive as the cat. The caterpillar was so sad about himself. He didn’t want to be the way he is. He neglected himself. He felt depressed. One day, he fell into a deep sleep. When he woke up, he was shocked to see that he now have wings, he could fly, and he’s a very beautiful white butterfly. He became who he is. And he fulfilled his purpose, adding beauty to the garden.

Lucky are those people who are loyal to themselves. They have the courage to be who they really are, not bending in to a fad and not blending into the crowd. They said that you can never give what you don’t have. True enough. People can’t give loyalty to others if they’re not even true to themselves. LOve is in LOyalty. Improving yourself is one thing. Loosing yourself in to a fad is another. Sometimes it’s too hard to preserve yourself. Yesterday is now but a memory. But ask yourself who lived yesterday. Are you already dead even before being six feet under ground? I’ve never realized how much I love myself, my visions and my dreams until the time I almost lost the freedom to be me, to pursue my dreams, and almost lost the things that matters. We all have our chances to be our better self or the best puppet of someone else.

…all the angs in the world…

this is probably the “pinakamaangas” blog i’ve ever made. i have no idea why. i can’t say it so probably it’s better to put it in a blog. this is a mix of personal, general, fact, inspired by others, and “bot bot” entry. nothing too mushy, nothing too formal. i’m just here to entertain my readers and my fans(ang magreact ilubong). what’s the topic? RANDOM.

career. it’s something i long for, something i strive for. something probably you long to have as well. it’s not everything in life. it’s more of the shallow reason why you still want to exist here on earth. knowing that you have that dream and you badly want to have it, or become IT. it’s challenging yourself, your determination and all that you can give till such time it’s time you take the gain. if there’s the career test, i probably have flunked it.bobo ba ako?bobo ka ba?hindi.hindi tayo bobo.hindi lang yata talaga tayo nararapat sa napili nating landas. or we just know what field we are better on.yea i flunked my career test not because i’m stupid. but because the main thing you need to have is DETERMINATION. to be determined to fight for what you want and what your heart desire even if it’s a major risk. i’m not plowing in the field i want to be in but i know i have to stand to this choice. they said, walang maling desisyon. nasasaiyo na yan para gawing tama. i say, kelangan pa bang gawing tama kung hindi naman mali? the future is uncertain. who knows tama pala ang desisyon ko,my hopes are still on high level though it does needs a re fill.

love.anu yan? pagkain?hahaha.”howcome? why? if only! maybe. set me free. let it be me.” cheddar, cheeesy, keso , korny lines.ahai. kapoe ning storya! change topic!:-P p.s.hindi ako bato, ayaw ko lang ng komplikado. “stay at the farthest corner of my mind.stay there.”

politics.i would like to see the philippines become better and be part of the G7, the greatest 7 countries in the world. how is that?well…. let’s see the obvious shall we? the sovereign country is made up of people.people are the one who makes the country either profitable or poor. the bottomline: lets start in ourselves. be better today. stop cutting through traffic and violating road signs, wag nang ilagay ang yong kamay sa bulsa na iba, dont throw your trash anywhere. very elementary indeed. but if you don’t know the elementary practices the you’d be stuck in there ever!

family. my greatest treasure in the world. nothing much to say but to be thankful of everything. i am where i ought to be when i am home. and definitely my love meter is full when i am with them. they’re priceless yet not worthless. they’re simply my treasures made to life.

school. do i really have to talk about this? alright, school is a place where you are bombarded with tests and complicated lessons. school is the ground where you are thought what to do but its up to you to learn how to stand for what you did. you can learn how to make friends in school, but its up to you to know and learn how to keep them. school makes you meet a lot of people but its up to you to identify who’s real and not. school is where you plow and burn your eyebrows, but outside is the place where you harvest your field.:-)

me. congratulations you’ve reached the most boring part of the topic! don’t get me wrong. i’m not vain and i rarely talk about myself. well i am ME. what you see is what you get. i mirror you (wrong grammaring?haha.whatever).just look deeper, look closer.what you see is what you get but sometimes how you see me depends on your eyes.

healed. ;)

HEALED.

TRESPASSES. SINS. HURT. PAIN. Sometimes, we’re the ones who cause ourselves to feel this way. We violate some things, we intentionally do some mistakes, and we let ourselves be vulnerable to some little things. And sometimes, some people do it for us. Not that we don’t know how to hurt ourselves of course, it’s just that they’re the ones who took the dirt to do it.

GUILT. REVENGE. DISTURBED. That is the price you pay for all the trespasses, sins, hurt and pain that was done to you. So you’ve been hurt, you’ve been badly wounded, somebody took away from you that which were for you, you’ve been deprived, you’ve been stabbed behind your back, you’ve been broken since then. Unfair right? So unjust, is it not?

FORGIVENESS. PEACE OF MIND. FREEDOM. LOVE. That’s just one of the prizes of being a child of God. Someone sinned against you and you wanted revenge, or that person doesn’t care with all your misfortunes. Deep down you know you want to get even and you’re guilty of that. You say you don’t deserve it. You’re a good person. Or maybe you have been bad lately but still the punishment you got is too much. Well dear, GROW UP. You needed it. I know I did. Oftentimes we forget to realize that we needed every ounce of pain that we got from the people who hurt us. I believe that I needed it as well as you do because we also deserve every drop of wisdom that we’ve learned from it. Is one of your family members bringing you down? Have your friends forsaken you? Did your love leave you behind? Were you stabbed behind your back? What did that person/those people do to you that you could not possibly find forgiveness on you? Do you think it’s worth dragging you down to hell and destroying your peace? Don’t. Don’t let it imprison you. At the end, it’s you who is hurting yourself.  Thank those people who took the dirt to make you learn a lesson. Thank those people who gave you the pain to grow. This is not permission for everyone to trespass one another. This is sharing the light for those who can’t move on from the dark. Every person sent along your way is His gift to you, as well as those who left you. Life is wonderful. You just have to have the right attitude to live. Forgive yourself. Forgive others as well.

what i thought i knew..

Sometimes I refuse to believe what He wills in my life. Sometimes, I can’t help but tell Him “You can’t be serious; this is what you want to happen?” And yes, more than once have I questioned Him about this and that. I never thought it would be His will to send me here, to go back home. I thought He wanted me to grow. But why here? Why had He sent me to the starting point of my journey? I should be making money right now as a call center agent (summer job), or advancing a new phase and taking up some subjects (summer class), but no. I found myself stuck in here. Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?

For a few weeks, my schedule was blank. Nada. None. Nothing. Nothing to do, nothing to think about, no color, no life. Then I’ve read a book. A book of Job from the bible and the book of Jonah as well. You see, Job was a fine man. He was a faithful and humble servant of God. But God tested his faith and let his family be killed and his riches taken away. His life was miserable that at some point he did question the will of God. No he wasn’t rebelling, but he wanted justification for all that has happened in his life. At the end, God appeared to him and he was questioned about his knowledge. For you see we, like Job, are not created before the world began but God was there before everything. You could question Him all you want but you’d never understand how His divine knowledge is so high that we can never level with it. I remembered one line of a song “God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too good to be unkind”, and I pictured out a God who always looks at us His children, and always leading us to the right path –His will. At the end of the story, God gave Job a new family, doubled his riches and lived so long that he got to see his grand grand children. He lived a fruitful and prosperous life.

When I got here, I was struggling with boredom. Yes I must admit I am a bit of a workaholic. Sleeping at dawn is what I’m used to doing. Having a crazy schedule is how my life always is in the city. I love it. Because I was growing, I was meeting people, I was learning a lot, and I was also sharing my faith with them. Then the book of Jonah struck me. Jonah was sent by God to Nineveh but Jonah refused to go and went somewhere else. Jonah didn’t want to go to Nineveh but God sent storm on his way to Tar shish. God even sent a great sea creature to swallow Jonah and there he prayed asking for God’s mercy. At the end, God showed His mercy by letting Jonah live. Jonah went to Nineveh and did his mission. He became an effective prophet and turned the people of Nineveh to God.

Funny is it not that a lot of us are trying to escape or question His will? Funny is it not that when we sense that His will might hurt us, we want to run away or cover ourselves with blanket or even go back to our mother’s womb? Especially if things are not going the way we want it to be. But we can’t. Fortunately, we can’t hide from His love. I didn’t want rest. I didn’t want summer. I was sent here for a vacation. I was bored. I’ve been stupid enough not to face the day with a positive attitude. I’ve been proud of myself as if I was a robot and I need not any rest. But He knows better. I’m not in the call center today because I need my good health back. I’m not in a summer class today and that helped us save money. I’m not in the big city helping other people there because the good I can do in there, I can always do in here. And of course, I’m here because a big big part of my heart is here –my family and good old friends. God took care of my every day. I’m not bored. I’m having the rest I need. I’m having fun with my niece and nephews. I’m meeting new people. And I’m learning a lot of things. Yes God is with me. And He is with you as well. If things are not turning the way you want it to be, just trust Him. If you can’t control it anymore, leave it up to Him. If you need to do something He wants you to do, do it. Everything always turns out the best if you let Him take charge. =)

what counts..

 I feel like I’ve been looking for life lately. Now that accounting is temporarily over (vacation time), it’s about time to do something from the heart. I’ve been longing to get a job for this summer. I’ve always wanted to try something different, make the most of what I can do, take some great experiences and learn from people. Probably, the salary is just a bonus for me (but don’t get me wrong, I’d still gladly accept it if you offer). They say that happiness is not defined by what you have. It’s the contentment in your heart. But I can’t find my happiness lately ( aside from my happiness of Someone up there). Truth is, I can’t find my heart lately. Where’s my passion? I chose to let the flame of my passion die not because I was feeling hopeless but because I decided to pursue what I need to do. Where’s my hope? It died along the death of my passion. But I’ve realized that it’s never the same without music, writing, performing. I may have been a coward for letting it go, but i would’ve been a fool if I won’t give it a shot. Coz now I know that failure might be hard to bear but regret will always be harder. And lately, I’ve been feeling misplaced. A feeling that’s telling me I shouldn’t be here. That I should be somewhere else. It wasn’t long when I’ve realized that God always brings me to where I’ve started. When I was looking for a job, I went to a lot of places but I ended up being at the place where I started. When I was gathering my requirements, I also ended up to the start of my search. Maybe a quote from the movie Home Sweet Alabama is right, that sometimes what you’ve been looking for is right where you left it. Three years ago, I was a complete stranger from the place I’m staying in right now. I left home to be better. Now that I have the opportunity to go back, I found the reason to stay. But I guess there will always be a part of you that will never forget home. Like a meteor about to collide with the earth, time may go by but it will always lead you closer back home. I did left something at home. I left my serenity.. My peace is with my family, my joy is with my highschool very close friends, my heart was once with someone in there. My greatest treasure is in my home-my family. And thoughthe future is a bit of a pressure, I know that past, present, or future I’d have home. I’d have them. God always put me to where I should be. I’m never misplaced or lost with Him. Now, I’m ready to go back home. =)

EULOGY.

Before anything else, this is fiction. I’m not dying yet. Nor any of my friends. =) I just want to write something deep. =)

   “I’m dying next month.” “I only have a year or less to spend in this world.” “This is my last shot. I might have to bid fairwell after the operation.”

     This are some words I’ll never want to hear from anyone. But, such a cruel world this is that it made me cry my heart out when a friend of mine told me. She’s special. She’s sweet, witty and sensible. The news struck me as something so unrealistic and more like a joke than reality. She had cancer. All this time she’d been keeping it to herself. There will be this moments when, at the middle of a good laugh, she would just pause and start feeling weary. It was like s fallacy. She was the strong one. the always happy one. The one always on the go.  How I prayed for it to be just a joke, but it wasn’t. Before i knew it, I was staring at her lifeless body in the hospital. There she was. Sleeping. But not breathing. And never waking up. I don’t want to be reminded of her death, for it’ll  just gonna make me miss her more. I didn’t even want to attend the funeral. But I was surprised with myself when I accepted her family’s request of doing a eulogy for her. Wanna know what I said? This….

                  Who says anyone can bring back old times? No matter what you do, you can never bring back wasted time, or happy times, and even forgone opportunities. She thought me to live each day as if it were my last. Sieze the day but never live as if you were never alive. The time you have right now will just be a part of tomorrows memory. But the actions you did today will always bear its consequence tomorrow. There will always be moments when it isverry much tempting to do what you want than what you need to do. But its consequence is harder to bear.

                There is no such thing as failure. Only people who lack the faith and determination. Okay, you messed up yesterday. But your mess will always remain a mess unless you clean it up. Mistakes has its purpose, and that is to teach you. When you stay on the ground, you defeat the purpose of your trials. It’s there to make you strong. Your limit doesn’t define you. You define your limit.

                 A love lost today can be a love lost forever. When you fin love, keep it warm. But never keep it if it wants to fly away. Open your palm. When you try to hold it tight, the love dies. Anger remain. If you’ve lost it, it might never come back again. Some great gifts are never for you. Becuase there’s always a better one in store. And you can never have it if you’re not ready to receive it or take care of it.

                And lastly, this: Sometimes, there’s greater regret in not doing something you want to have than giving it a shot. Life itself is a gamble. Either you win or loss. Some people play with hearts, some don’t. Some wish they hadn’t brought down their card of heart coz it made them loss the game. Some are thankful they did. Decisions. Choices. Where do you go from here? Me, I don’t know where to go from here. I’m alive and I’m thankful for each day. I have some goals that I sometimes think are hopeless. I have some ” what ifs” that are still unanswered. Dead people still have it. The only difference is that you’re here I’m here. We can do something about ourselves, about our souls. The chance is there. The gift is free. Grab it. or let it rot.

Start Counting..

” Every end is just the beginning. We just don’t know it at that time.” A quote from my favorite book.  2009 is almost over and 2010 is about to start. I can’t let this year end without being great full of all the things that has happened. 2009 hasn’t been easy. We’ve all had our fair share of ups and downs, as a nation and as individuals. Let me impart some of the favorite lessons this year has thought me.  & well, who knows this might be of help to you someday. =)

1. Apart from God, you are nothing. That no matter what you do to make yourself happy, if you’ve detached yourself from the Love, from Him, you can never find the happiness that completes you. Superficial stuff won’t do you any good either. God is the complete happiness everyone desires and He’s the only one who can fill up the emptiest space in your life that no one else can fill in. You don’t need to see Him. Faith is about trusting and believing in the unseen. Let Him take control of your life. It might not turn out the way you want it to be, but it will turn out to be better than you imagined. This idea didn’t come from someone who don’t have problems in life. We all have our share of  trials. Rather, this idea comes from someone who, even if bombarded with so much pain and trials, still hangs on to her Savior .

2. Life is how you make it. Who doesn’t want a perfect life? Almost all of us does. But what does perfect really mean? A perfect life is not based on how much wealth we have. It’s now about how many people know us. It’s not about how great we are in the eyes of other people either. It’s about how we made use of this borrowed time that God has entrusted us.  You might not have everything you want but you can always maximize the things that you have. Would you rather be existing for 100 years doing nothing or living for 50 years maximizing your life? Would you want to be a man with two hands wasting your time in front of a monitor or a man with one hand helping other people and touching lives? Think about it.

3. Nothing lasts forever. People come and go. You can’t expect someone to be there all throughout your life specially if it’s not really God’s will. They come. And they teach you important things. They go. And they make you stronger, better, more independent. Sometimes, God takes away some people because it will make you grow. Even trees needs distance from each other to absorb their nutrients. But God never leaves you empty handed. He closes one door, then He’ll open another one. He took one thing because He’s going to give you a better one.

4. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. You don’t have forever. It might be now or never. How long have you been keeping the hurt inside you? How long are you planning to keep it? How long have you been mad and unforgiving? How long will it take you to forgive someone and to forgive yourself? How long have you been dwelling on your past?  You don’t recognize what great thing you have ’till you lose it. Life is not yesterday nor is it tomorrow. Life is the moment we’re living in right now. It’s called the present. Make each day count. You deserve to be happy.

5. Love thyself. A friend once told me that you can’t give something you don’t have. True indeed. You can care for people without loving them. You can’t love other people if you can’t love yourself. You can’t love yourself if you can’t accept yourself. Don’t be someone else. It’s better to be rejected for the way you are than to be accepted for not being you. Be brave enough to stand for yourself. People want other people who care about other people as well as themselves.

6. Away from backstabbers. Some people are just good at talking negative things about other people. If you encounter one of them, run for your life. If they can trash talk about other people, they can trash talk about you as well. If you are one of those people, think about this: you can’t give dirt to other people without making your hands dirty as well. Stop it. It’s a sign of insecurity.  Grow up. Before you judge other people’s mess, make sure you cleaned your own mess first. Remember: what you heard about someone might be true, or it might be as fake as the one who told you.

7. You can’t please everyone. Good or bad, people always has something to say. It’s not your business to please them and you can always go on with your life for as long as you have real people around you. Who needs to be in a crowd if you still feel empty? All you need is a few people whom you can trust and share your faith with God.

8. Stop dreaming, Start living. The difference between losers and winners is that winners fail more than losers, but they stand up and continue their journey. Losers fail once, twice, thrice, maybe four times, and they don’t recover. If you’re dreaming of something great, stop it. This might be the time to make it happen and start living it. And if you fail, just go on. The moment you give up, it’s the time you start being stagnant and you stop growing. Ask from Him. Ask His approval and guidance. Everything is possible in Him.

9. Be thankful. Every trials in life has its own purpose. It can always make you better if you handled it well. Some things are really meant to be there to hurt you. And pain is always there to make you better. Don’t break. Just bend. God didn’t give you those stuff to bring you down. Be thankful for all the trials because it’s your moment to prove your faith to Him. Make Him proud and wait for that day when He’ll tell you ” well done my humble and faithful servant”.

…………………………. Hope this all makes sense to you. Start counting your blessings and your lessons learned. A prosperous New Year to everyone! =) ………………………. -JAnuaryNINE